Boom! Goes the Anger Dynamite
“I can’t f***ing take it!!” I screamed this while kicking my kids plastic play table across the back yard. (btw, this hurt like a son of a…) No, my kids weren’t at the table. They weren’t even outside. But still, when I think back to that day, I have such a heavy feeling of guilt. How is it that I could get so upset with 1-year-olds? Well, it wasn’t really them I was angry with. This explosion of anger was all of my unmet needs finally bubbling to the surface. I was so exhausted, stressed and completely depleted. I was doing a horrible job of taking care of myself. Anyone paying attention could have seen this coming, and in this moment even my neighbors got to see this ugly side of the mess I’d made of myself. Now I know this outburst may not seem so bad but let me tell you, even back then I worked really hard to not flip out like this, to stuff the anger down, so this was a pretty big release. It had been pent up for a while. I didn’t care in that moment what anyone thought, even the neighbors.
Fast forward to now. Now, I don’t just stuff it down. Now, I know that the best way to prevent anger in the first place, is TO GET MY NEEDS MET. Does this mean I’m perfect at it? No way. It’s still a conscious daily practice to pay attention to what I’m needing and then to, somehow, figure out a way to meet those needs. And to do this on top of the mile long to do list and kids at my feet all day long = so freaking hard.
You know what? I still lose my shit sometimes. And you know what? It’s not the worst thing in the world. My kids get to see that I’m human. This is so valuable because they are seeing a model of real life along with the message that it’s okay to falter. And even more importantly, they get to see how I go about repairing the damage. I always repair the damage. Always. As a conscious, peaceful parent, I never leave my children with all my messy, exploded feelings. They always get an apology and we talk about our feelings.
I don’t have to be perfect. And neither do you.
What I strive to be is aware, mindful, intentional & respectful…of my emotions and my children.
What’s your moment of anger that stands out in your mind? How do you feel about it now? Share with me in the comments, or send me a message. It feels good to speak it. Get it off your chest. I know I feel better now.